Blending Foster, Biological, and Adopted Children

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Lovely Family Reading Aloud

Birth, surrogacy, and adoption are all standard methods of expanding a family for parents. Some parents combine these approaches, particularly when adopting via both natural and international means. 

Children raised in blended families confront unique problems, and some parents may feel under pressure to treat their adopted and biological kids equally. It’s critical to remember that treating all children equitably and according to their individual needs is practically impossible. But with discipline, you can. 

Here are some suggestions for preventing jealousy in your children and ensuring that everyone feels loved and protected in the family.

  1. Know your adopted child’s past by learning as much as you can about their birth family.
  2. Make sure to share it with the child(ren) already residing in your household as much as you can.
  3. Adoptees should be made aware of the importance of adoption by their parents.

The adoption process can be complicated for young children to understand, but older children can be taught about adoption and use the proper vocabulary. When explaining the procedure to your child, be sure to:

  • Use language filled with love and encouragement. 
  • Provide as much information as possible regarding their birth, 
  • And let your children ask a question if they want to. 

However, underline the necessity of keeping these family facts private to your children until the maturity stage.

Prepare your current children for the new sibling. 

Assure them that your affection for them will not alter even if they feel anxious or insecure about the new arrival.

Please include your current children in the process and make them feel that they are a part of this new transformation. Your present children can assist in welcoming their new sibling by getting creative and painting or sketching pictures or posters for them. You can also go to the toy store and get a small welcome present for your new sibling.

Treat children equally and without bias.

If you are treating your biological or adopted children differently, you may not even realize it. Pay attention to your actions and make sure your treatment is consistent.

If you’re adopting transracially, you’ll have to deal with ethnic and physical variances. Teach your children about the differences between people and emphasize that diversity is admirable. If you’re adopting a child from a different race, make an effort to include them in your family’s cultural practices.

Recognize the importance of family history.

You should be aware that older or younger children may feel out of place if you adopt out of the birth order of the other children already in your home. Before adopting a child out of chronological birth order, think about how they would feel about the change.

Give your children time to get to know one another before assigning them to different rooms. It’s okay for your kids to go at their own pace, as the procedure will take time to complete. Don’t put pressure on your children to make the changeover quickly.

Include family gatherings regularly to ensure that everyone feels heard. Maintaining open communication with everyone in your household is essential for a happy and healthy family, and it may make all the difference during a time of significant change like this. Take the time to pay attention to each of your children on a one-on-one basis.

One of the most challenging tasks for many foster parents is integrating a new foster child into their existing family. Adding a foster child to a household can be challenging for parents who already have children of their own, whether they are biological or adopted.

Integrating Foster Children with Your Children

Before your new foster child joins your home, find out as much as you can about their past. Even if this isn’t always possible, planning can make the transition easier for everyone.

Prepare yourself for the arrival of the new foster kid by setting realistic expectations and learning about the challenges of accepting an older child.

Especially if you have young children, read children’s books on foster care with them. Using this collection of Books for Children in Foster Care, they can better understand why children in foster care require a safe home, how foster care feels to a child, and what foster care is:

  • Take advantage of the knowledge and experience of other parents by joining a local or online support group.
  • Encourage your current children to ease the new foster child’s transition. 
  • Encourage your children to develop ideas for helping the new youngster adjust to life in your household.
  • Make time for one-on-one conversations with each kid. Even if it’s difficult, try to schedule this time with each child once a week.
  • Make it a point to consider the viewpoint of the new child when resolving arguments.

Bringing a foster child into your household with younger children should be approached with utmost caution if you know that the potential foster child has been sexually abused or acted out sexually in the past. Consult the child’s caseworker for any further information or resources that may be available. Ensure the child visits a therapist as soon as possible.

Before, during, after the fostering placement, have a conversation with all of your children. Take expert advice if you are depressed or anxious after around six months or if life isn’t satisfactory as expected for all the kids. Solicit help from your foster care organization or hire a foster therapist.